Knowing and Actually Knowing

The title is strange I know.  I wanted to make this post about the difference between knowing something and actually knowing something.  Have you ever had a friend or coworker that you saw daily or almost every day for years?  In your mind, you think that "yes, I do know that person."  When asked, though, about her eye color, you stop short and have to think if you actually know her eye color.  I'll admit that I have done that several times throughout the years.  I think I know someone or something so well and then one little piece of information makes you think twice about your knowledge.  Or what about when you make a judgment against someone for her actions and later are in the same situation?  Were you so sure in your knowledge (like I was) that I knew what the right answer was?  I'm not saying that it's right or wrong to judge because I think we're all human and cannot seem help ourselves.  That little saying has helped me when I find myself being too judgmental...everyone makes mistakes and what if you were in that situation.  Who says I could have handled it any better or worse?  What has prompted this outburst of philosophy?  Well, at the end of this sort of fiasco yesterday, I read something that really had me thinking.

"If there are empty spaces in your life, dreams that never came true, people who were once there but are gone now, the purpose of those empty spaces is not to frustrate you or to brand you as a loser. The empty spaces may be there to give you room to grow, to dream, to yearn, and to teach you to appreciate what you have because it may not have been there yesterday and may not be there tomorrow." From The Lord Is My Shepherd by Harold S. Kushner, excerpt from the chapter about "I Shall Not Want" from Psalm 23.  Awesome book if anyone wants it, the ISBN 9781400033355.

Yesterday, my dad ended up going to the emergency room for pain in his lower back and upper right leg.  He's doing well now but yesterday was horrible.  My dad isn't one to complain about any kind of pain.  He would rather just sleep it off or take it.  When he decided to call the ambulance to take to the hospital, we knew it  was pretty serious.  After a VERY frustrating afternoon spent in the ER, everyone was very tired and hungry.  My mom, my dad, and I were waiting for SIX hours.  After 4 hours, the doctor (and I use that term loosely after this) decided that my dad might have had an aneurism.  If that were true, he would have been seen when we first got there.  I tried very hard to put myself in the shoes of the doctors of the ER which is very hard to do after they snapped at my mom to ask the nurses instead of them.  During this whole episode, I kept asking myself, "What would happen if something happened to my dad?"  After reading that passage in Kushner's book, I realize that maybe I need to appreciate my dad more.  He may be a bum, sort of.  He's still my dad and I know that he loves me unconditionally and always wants to help me.  It's hard to realize that your parents are old.

My dad ended up going to the Naval medical station today was seen and given good directions within an hour.  I admit that a lot of people don't like the military but for my parents I think it was good.

The other thing that has me thinking and that passage has helped a lot with is having no job right now.  Technically, I didn't lose my job since I quit to find another job in Kentucky.  Then I couldn't find a teaching job in Kentucky and ended up moving back home.  I always wondered why this happened to me.  This was my "empty space" that also branded me as a loser or at least it felt like that.  I do appreciate very much now the job I had (not that I didn't really appreciate it).  But now I truly understand the job I did and how much I truly loved it.  I know after this I know I truly will appreciate the job I will have after this.  I have found that I appreciate my parents so much more now, if that is possible.  I also know that I have grown and learned from this experience.  I also think it's a blessing in disguise considering I am able to take my dad to all his appointments when he needs them and not have to worry about asking for time off.  It may be frustrating at times but in the end I don't think I would trade this time in.  We'll see what happens in the future.  :)

 

Cat guarding the beautiful roses I got from tutoring a couple of weeks ago.